DAY 4/5

So.... it’s New Years Eve…Kind of bitter sweet really.  One part looking forward to the changes and exciting things that 2013 is going to hold for me (positive thinking is what I am bringing to the party)  and the other part thinking of HIM and his stupid head.  I heard he got a disease…Something called Dickheadatitus (Maybe I just went through a moment of the “Anger” stage of grief)    

Yesterday was OK.  Went to church and heard a great message.  All About leaving 2012 behind and the negative things that went with it (I think Jesus sent that just for me).  I left inspired, ready to conquer the world, no sadness for me,  “I don’t even MISS YOU” I screamed to myself.    Fast forward 5 seconds.  UGH.  “You suck”, “How could you do this?”,  “Why didn’t you value me?” , “What slut are you going to be kissing at midnight? !?!?!?”   “I MISS YOU , YOU PRICK!” Then I quietly shook myself, wiped my face, and told myself to get it together.  I did 4 loads of laundry, cleaned my house, Made some quiche (Yes, that is not a joke, I really did make a quiche) and hung out with SP and my Cousin Kiki (Yes, she gets that nickname, it’s cute and makes me feel better).   She talked about her own situation and how lonely she is (married with two kids).  I silently praised God that I wasn’t where she was. Not that I was boasting, just grateful.   While I was sad, angry, confused, etc…I wasn’t stuck.  I had the ability to walk away. 

Before bed I continued with my book.  I read most of chapter 3 on grief. She lists all of the stages and mentions that they don’t go in order and they may jump from one stage to the next.  I think I may still be in the Denial/in Shock phase.  See HE and I have been here before, like um….several times.  We have the same pattern.  An incident occurs, I break up, he lets me.  We go without talking for anywhere from 1 day to 4 months and then he slides back in with a text or call.  And WHAM….Hello HE and I are back to being a couple with no previous  issues addressed.  This time was a bit different.  He was different.  More willing.  Making attempts at being “better”.   I also didn’t see this coming (well maybe as this goes on that thought will change).  We had been OK.  He had just been telling me how much he loved me 24 hours prior.  But, he let me go without even a nasty text or a “F you!” .  He treated me as a second date, just ignored and avoided.  

I made the decision that I had to send the inevitable email.  I couldn’t hold on any longer.  I was NOT bringing this into the New Year!    I sent him an email that just said “Thank you for the Christmas Present it was amazing and you truly blessed me with it.  Also, I will be attending Crossfit in the evenings  until my punch card runs out and then I will be on my way.   Thank you again, Happy New Year, etc…” 

 I actually did say etc.  Kind of love that about me right now.  Interestingly enough, as my skinny, old lady finger pushed send,  a text popped up not even a second later from HIM.  It said “Happy New (Yes, you read that right…He couldn’t even give me “Year”)  It is going to be a great year for you”  YES IT IS!  Thank you mucho.  I didn’t respond to his text.  Gooooo Me!  

The Next time you hear from me it will be a New Year.  Maybe I will wake up next to some hot firefighter on 1/1/2013...Ahhhh we all know that was just a joke. I don’t have it in me to take home a random.  The only way I would actually get a firefighter in my bed is if I accidentally lit myself on fire, which is more plausible then actually randomly bringing one home to sex me for the night....Oh yeah...Say that last sentence with a British accent, makes it sound classy.  

Happy New Year!  2012 : Thank you for what you have taught me and what I will learn from you and now if you would kindly SUCK IT, I would be so grateful.



I am the one at the party with glasses. I am also totally kindding. I just like a gal who can ROCK!