DAYS 6/7

New Years came and went.  On New Years Eve, Boobzilla (Sorry, I couldn't resist) SP, and I met a few folks at local bar.  We stayed for a few hours and ventured back to my place.  2012 came and went in the blink of an eye.  Poof!  In a matter of a minute, a whole year disappeared.     We stayed up for a bit and then slumber partied, passing out respectively by 2am.  We woke up, made breakfast, cleaned house, and then everyone left. 

New Years Day was the toughest day yet.    I felt OK and had a peace, but a sense of sadness lingered in the background and then I cried. Really for the first time since all of this started.    I cried for the loss.  I cried for the rejection.  I cried for the things that would never be.  I cried out of anger.  I just cried.  I gave myself 20 minutes and then made myself pull it together ( The book says to set time limits as to not let the sadness turn into something greater, like depression).  I went and watched a movie with my family, spoke to the Freakin' Rican,  and eventually the ache went away and again was replaced with a sense of hope.

I read my Getting Past Your Breakup book.  The chapter was on doing an inventory of .your relationship.  Step one: List all of the positive aspects of your relationship.  Not him, but the relationship.  I came up with about 20 and I must admit the last 10 were difficult.  You are supposed to do step an evening or two (there are 7, I believe) and then leave it.  You can add to it at anytime.


The book also discusses coming up with goals for yourself.  Long term and Short term goals.  I spent about 2 hours listing all of my goals.  It was awesome and liberating. I was able to get a solid plan together. 

AND THEN I had an epiphany...You see my major complaint about HIM was that he ddn't value me, didn't make me or my interests a priority. And then it hit me.  Why should he? I wasn't valuing myself or needs.  We did things he liked, went to places he wanted, Listened to his music, and communicated when he was ready (Which was close to never). Don't get confused, this wasn't forced on me (With the exception of the communicating thing). I went along with it and sat silent, buiding resentment towards him for something I was doing to myself.  I would complain to him that I wasn't a priority, but then would easily let him back out of a family dinner or some other thing that mattered to me. I would complain that we listened to his crappy music, but then would rarely take charge and play something I wanted.  We both were focused on making him happy...and in turn I think it made us both miserable at times, me more so than him.  

  The book also talks about managing your time with Work, Social, and Individual goals.  I accomplished all of the goals I set for myself today, the most awesomeness being the "Me Time" goal. 

 Each week you are to set at least an hour doing something by yourself, for yourself.  I decided to have a beer, paint my toes and nails, and all that girly kind of stuff.  You are supposed to shut off your phone and focus on you.  I must admit for the first hour, having my phone off was difficult, but when it was time to turn it back on, I kind of didn't want to. Can I tell you that I recommend this for EVERYONE, single or not!  It was kind of amaaaazing.  You get to be selfish and allow yourself to just be...alone.  I don't necessarily have a problem with being solo or doing things by myself, but when the focus is doing something you want for you, it's kind of great. No, not kind of, it was great .  Next week, I might try a movie or something a bit more adventurous....


Tonight's step from the book is to list the positive things about HIM (Thank God for Bud Light) so I will be tackling that shortly.  Also, tomorrow I will be returning back to Cross Fit and I am excited and a bit nervous.  It will be interesting to see if I am as OK with going there as I think I am or if once I walk in I will want to turn and walk right out.

This I do know: " I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13) and that is the truth.  I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now.