Three Weeks

 So I realize I have been MIA for minute.  See,  I was so busy working on my break up exercises, journaling, finding a counselor,  enrolling in a new Cross fit Gym, and several other  “I am so going to get over you” tasks,  that this just seemed to take the back side.

So let me give you an update.   First, I have not heard from him.  Thank Goodness.  I am not going to lie, there are moments of crazy that come in and I want him to swoop in on a white horse and show me that he is a completely changed person and he can’t live without me.  Reality then sets in… and I realize that I really don’t want to hear from him, because I know that this is time for me to get better and healthy and not make the same mistakes with the same person, just a different face.     L Boogie is adamant that I am going to get a drunken’ text message, but I am not so sure.  I know where she is coming from…That would fit our pattern.  Break up for a bit; he slides in with a text, wham! back together, same problems, break up again.  However, I think maybe this one time he might actually let me go for me.  Maybe that is giving him too much credit.   

I will admit that the last two weeks, the denial and numbness have worn off a bit.  The missing him, anger, sadness, back to anger process has started.  I liked the Denial shield so much better.

I have been doing my Break Up exercises From “Getting Past Your Breakup” regularly and just finished the last step in the “Relationship Inventory”.    SO I am going to recap the steps, just in case you want to do them or whatever.  I think they were really helpful.  Sometimes it was super hard and I wanted to avoid it like a pap smear, but once I did it felt way better (That is not like a pap smear).

Step 1-Make a list of the positive things about your relationship.  This is not about him or you, but about the relationship.  Ex.  You liked having a companion; you enjoyed his/her friends, etc.

Step 2-List all of the positive qualities of your ex

Step3-Write down 5 special things your ex did for you or five special moments in the relationship

Step 4-Make a list of things your family and friends liked

Step 5-Make a list of the things you liked about your ex, but your friends or family did not. Were there things that you felt your ex was misunderstood about?   Did you make excuses for him?

Step 6-List all of the negative things about the relationship. Remember this is not about him or you, but the relationship

Step 7-List all of your ex’s negative qualities

Step 8-List all of the positive qualities that turned into negative qualities for you over time.  For example, thinking his take charge approach was adorable, only to realize that he is controlling.

Step 9-List all of the early warning signs or red flags of the relationship. Was there an argument early on or a clue that this was not going to work out? What did you do about these warning signs? How did you rationalize or excuse them? What price did you pay for those excuses?  (THIS ONE WAS A TOUGHIE)

Step 10-List the 5 most hurtful incidents to you in the relationship. What was done? Was there an apology? Assurance that it wouldn’t happen again? Did it happen again?

Step 11-List the things you feel you did wrong (not what your ex said you did wrong, but what you truly feel you did wrong).  Example-Being crabby all of the time, picking fights, cheating, etc

Step 12-List any major incidents or issues in the relationship that stemmed from your own issues or behavior.  Was there something you did that led to a major blow up?

Step 13-Pretend you are in a room with your ex for 5 minutes and he /she isn’t allowed to say anything.  What would say to him?  What would you say that wasn’t covered in the above steps?

You do one step every day and when you are done you take a two to three day break and move on to the next task.   I am on break J.

I really like my new Cross Fit gym.  I think that was a very wise choice to leave the other place.  I didn’t realize how much going to the same place “we” went would affect me, but it did and if I am going to get over this, I had to move on.  I gave HIM the remainder of my classes from the previous gym, because I am awesome.  I also set up my bowling league that CD and I will start in February, which should be super fun.  Sucks that I have to be the one to give up everything, but whose fault is that? A big arrow is pointing at me right now. I also set my first appointment for next week with a counselor.  That should be interesting, but I am determined to fix ME. Get ME happy.    So….lots going on.  But for that, I am grateful.

Wolf Diggity gave me this AWESOME YouTube video titled the "Nothing Box".  Please Click on the link to watch it, Its AMAAAAAZING.

"The Nothing Box"

Till the next episode…..