Day TWO

So Day Two has passed.  Yesterday was pretty much amazing.  I actually felt liberated and free. With the exception of the moment I got the Christmas present delivered by his dad (Can you say coward?).  That was a bit rough, but it lasted only a minute and was actually beneficial..Didnt have to see him and it actually showed me that HE was done. Finished.  Out of the country.  Any hopes of contact from him simmered away.  
As the day went on, I had this overwhelming sense of peace to the point that I almost felt guilty.  I played on my new Christmas present, which was a super distraction, but I kept thinking this is too good to be true.  I am doing way to OK for this.  I spoke with friends about planning activities, vacations, and their relationships.   I then went to bed.  I slept like CRAP.  Note to self...Valium is a OK while going through a break up.   While I woke up tired and exhausted, that unbearable sense of grief you can feel when you have broken up with someone wasn't present.  I turned on my beloved Joyce Meyer. She was speaking about worry, anxiety, and fear. Um coincidence?  I think not.  She spoke that God does not want us to worry about anything and we are to cast our cares on him.  I felt like God was speaking to me.  Telling me that it was going to be OK, that good things were on the horizon.

And then...I left my house for work this morning and all of a sudden this overwhelming urge to contact him came on me.  I didn't know what I would say if I did contact him.  I just wanted contact.  I wanted to act like nothing had happened pick up that phone and say "HI baby, I hope you have a better than great day.  Call me later and lets figure out what to do for dinner."  ...I got to work and the feeling eventually passed. 

I just texted our mutual cross fit trainer to find out how many paid classes I have (we share a stinkin punch card) left.  I paid a lot for those and feel justified that I should be able to at least use the remaining classes.  We can avoid each other by him going in the morning and me going in the evening. My plan is to email him to let him know that I will be going in the evening and to not go at that time and a quick Thank you for the Christmas presents. 

I started my self-help book this morning, Getting Past Your Breakup by Susan L. Elliot.http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/. 

I am on Chapter 2-The NO CONTACT zone.  Basically, you are to cut all ties. No email, texts, facebook, etc.   I realize in the paragraph right before this I tell you that I am going to send him an email.  The book does state to take care of giving back stuff, etc.  I am not contacting him to get a response.  I am contacting him so I don't have even the slightest chance of bumping into him.  I also believe that he deserves a polite "Thank you for the awesome gifts...Now go F yourself"...Don't worry I wont add that last part....maybe.